WHAT IS YOUR LEGACY? (OR, IS ANGER AN ENERGY?)
A few weeks ago, some people asked me why I am wasting my time, fighting battles in these posts that I cannot win. Their intention came from a place of kindness — they wanted to spare me some heartache, not discourage me. My answer was simple. I find that the fundamental act of saying “this is bullshit” to be gratifying, even redeeming. As the Public Image Ltd. Lyric* goes, “Anger is an energy.” In our post-modern age when anything and everything is up for grabs, the best tool to cut through the crap may be a seriously blunt one.
When I was growing up, we were poor enough to get food stamps. There were no new clothes, just hand-me-downs from relatives and stuff we bought at the Salvation Army and garage sales. While everyone else was wearing docksiders and chinos, I was in ill-fitting jeans and frayed oxfords with cuffs that draped from my wrists. There were days that I felt a certain amount of shame for having no Izod alligator perched on my chest, and there were days that I wore whatever the hell I felt like. On one of these days a kid walked up to me and asked in a loud whisper “Are you a punk?” Without hesitating I gave him a loud “YES” even though I was wearing a polka dot bowtie and brown corduroys. There was something truly electric about that exchange. I did become a punk in earnest after that, thanks to some older friends and The Ramones. Growing up as a young turk has its downsides in a conservative small town, but once you leave the nest you are confident and fearless, you don’t mince words and you know damn well who your friends are (and aren’t). You don’t apologize for having an opinion, or the things you create. Technique is nice, but sheer, honest expression is all that matters. I would like to say that when you take this path, you don’t need a hero, because you are your own makeshift hero — pimples and all. Well, that is how I saw life as a young man thanks to a kid that did not understand why I had a polka-dot bowtie dangled around my neck.
Now, I am a father of two girls. Eve is thirteen, Vera is three. I can definitely say that there is an indignant, critical thread to my parenting and what I try to teach them. If they grow up with a little voice in their head that says “fuck them” I want to believe I did something right. That may indeed be my legacy. A sense of what really matters, and what is superfluous. An innate understanding of the unvarnished truth, and being outspoken. At one point, including art or the creative pursuit in this conversation fades away and it simply becomes a way to live, a way to navigate the muddy waters of the 21stcentury.
Do you need to be a parent to share in this phenomenon? Absolutely not.Do you find yourself making waves or do you take the path of least resistance? Do you experience phases of stagnation, and lack of drive? How often do you cut through the crap to get to the bones of life, and have an honest and difficult conversation? I am by no means saying “everyone needs to be punk rock” or “a punk rock mentality is the best and only one to have”. I am just saying that leaning into this aesthetic can be incredibly empowering. A little bit of “three chords and the truth” can go a very long way. Being able to say “fuck it” or “fuck them” or “fuck all of you” can be a total lifesaver. Throwing your arms up and surrendering to the fact that you are on your own can be a very good thing. I think we have all been there, in some odd moment.
Even as an awkward, outcast teenager in a small town, I understood that there is redemption in this kind of act. This is how we get past the haters, and the bigots, the racists and any of the other small-minded people we deal with on a daily basis. In that redemption, there is everything we aspire to — not just as artists but ultimately as human beings. We all need to sing our personal redemption song in the shower, in the car on the way to work, opening the door to our own personal freedom. The freedom to fail, the freedom to explore and experiment, the freedom to be perfectly still, the freedom to stand naked in the street with a bullhorn. All of it is good.
* Ok, so yes it can be argued that Public Image Ltd.was a post-punk band, but the lyrics are the focus in this argument I am making, and it is hard to say that these lyrics are anything but punk rock sentiment. It is really fascinating how hard it is to define punk rock, once you get past the trappings of the music and fixate on the ideas behind it. It is a movement, a mentality, a solution to a major problem, an ongoing revolution. Very few art forms can make that claim.
